insecurity

it's exactly 91 days to our wedding.

the nearer it comes...the more...insecure i feel!

not about getting married with him.

that is the one thing i am very sure of.

but now, my paranoia, jealousy and insecurity is being unearthed from the bellows of my belly.

i am always paranoid that he is checking other girls out...

or he thinks i am really fat and ugly... (pimples are sprouting on my face...i am not losing anymore weight...hair is looking like a frightful mop...getting stess-scars on my legs...i still have a dimple in my butt...)

or he is getting second thoughts about being with me...

or maybe it's cause he is leaving for the States next week for his brother's graduation.

10 days without him (yikes!!).

or maybe it's my defense mechanism kicking in...because of my past relationships...

maybe it's because i am not doing much about the wedding...and feeling weirdly relaxed and calm. i have seen brides go on full-crazed-panic-wedding-prep kinda thing. but i seem to not have much to do anymore!?

i don't know.

the only thing i am sure of is that...i love him. and he loves me.

Ya Allah, please remove all these feelings from my heart...Amin.