not going away

despite my career looking up these days...
i still feel a sense of hollowness in the pit of my stomach.
i still feel the sense of dread to go to work every morning.
i still feel bored even though i have mountains of work.

instead of focusing on my work, i have been daydreaming about my life as a 'homemaker' or 'self-employed business person'.

sometimes i am amazed at myself.
here was the girl, who dreamt of becoming a CEO.
here was the girl, who had so much ambition!

some of my friends ask me, "su, you know you will be bored with nothing to do, right?"

well, yes. i am pretty sure i will get bored if i had nothing to do.
but i do have some ideas on what i would like to get into once i "retire".
but this thing that i will be doing, would be my own. and it would be something i will be operating at my own time. in my own home.

this way, if (and when) i have children, i can still be that doting mother and be involved in their growing years.

so, when the time comes when i can finally "retire"...this is what i envision my day to be (this is not taking into consideration having any kids yet)...

wake up
yoga class (morning class)
come home
make breakfast for the mcdreamy
clean house
plan for dinner
"WORK-AT-HOME" period (maybe 2-3 hours)
go for lunch with mrs mumsie/friends/mcdreamy...or even myself at a nice cafe with a book
get stuff for dinner
yoga class (evening)
cook dinner
have dinner with the mcdreamy
"QUALITY TIME WITH THE MCDREAMY" period (till late). hahahhaa

how ideal...:)

and if i WERE to have the baby...it will probably look like this...

wake up
feed and bathe baby
make breakfast for mcdreamy
clean house
play with baby
plan for dinner
feed baby
"WORK-AT-HOME" period (maybe 2-3 hours) (with interflight periods of layan-ing the baby)
go for lunch with mrs mumsie/friends/mcdreamy...or even myself at a nice cafe with a book
put baby down for a nap
yoga class (evening) - send baby to mrs mumsie's
get stuff for dinner
pick baby from mrs mumsie's
cook dinner
feed and bathe baby
have dinner with mcdreamy
"QUALITY TIME WITH THE MCDREAMY AND BABY" period (till not so late).

hahaha.
what a change it will be with a baby.

but we are both really excited to conceive.

so, it was a huge disappointment when i got my period a few days ago.

i was so CONVINCED that i am pregnant (like how i am every month).
but, i guess it's just not my time yet.
God is making me wait.

to be fair, we have only been trying for the past 3 months.

*sigh*

is it wrong that i get very jealous of the people i know who recently just got pregnant?

:p