limbo...

only 5 more months to go.

and i will then be known as mrs mcdreamy.

a wife.

with wifely duties.

i freaked out the other day.

it's not so much about the wedding, or about being married.

but what if i turned out to be a bad wife?

'being married' has entered my dreams a few times lately.

which is quite the opposite of dreaming of infidelity, betrayal, being chased...that kind of thing (which is the norm!!)

and i can't quite describe the feeling.

in my dream, everytime i look at mcdreamy...i get this funny but nice feeling in my tummy.

"he is my husband. mcdreamy is my husband. and we can 'do it'...as we please!".

ya, it's a bit funny. but hey, it's a dream.

it's weird! i am in a limbo.

a part of me can't wait! it will be a new life...living on my own (well, not entirely on my own...but not with my parents!), new environment, new experiences, waking up to him, the snuggles and the cuddles, playing "house"...

but a part of me freaks out! what if we can't live together!? what if once we move in, we just annoy the s*** out of each other? what if we can't afford living on our own? what if his family hates me? what if i suck at "doing it"?

i actually hyperventilate when i think of these things.

but i guess, these questions can only be answered when i am actually married.

which is in 5 months!

yikes...