showdown

it was mrs mumsie vs. yours truly.
couldn't take it anymore. it was more jabbing at my weight.
"why are you so big? you look like a thirty year old woman!".

i snapped. big time.

don't really want to go into the gory details. but when i snapped, the floodgates burst open.



amidst a lot of tears, i told her what i am feeling. how i feel when she does that and when she looks at me with disgust when i come out of the room in an outfit, which before exiting my room i thought was ok.

i KNOW i am fat, hence the dieting, slimming centres, exercising. i just don't need to be reminded again and again. rubbing salt into the wounds i inflicted on myself in front of the mirror.

i KNOW i look grotesque.

it was like something lifted from my shoulders. she was mad at me, but she never showed it. she just said things like, "don't worry, i will never say anything more"...that kinda thing, in a yes-i-am-angry-with-you-but-i-will-only-subtly-show-you kinda way. don't matter. must be strong and persevere. i just NEED her to know. because i really can't take it anymore.